Disobey

This term has had a very bold significance in our home of late….

Here we know exactly what is missing, what is wrong, what is and what isn’t….

How we choose is the obvious answer to all our issues.

We can remain calm and yet we choose hysteria. We shout when we could very well improve the gentleness of our action.  We wear blinkers to hide the shame.

As most of you know we run our little home business, serving meals, baking cake, etc. We have witnessed our journey. And are delighted with the skills we have learnt along the way. 

As we crawled, as we walked, as we eventually and courageously plunged ourselves into more complex waters, it revealed something about myself. My folks always say I take on anything  just to prove a point and they are so right….

My business is thriving in terms of reaching many more, thousands more through my posts, these beckon attention and turn into real sales…..

How much has it however influenced our thinking, our strategy, our heart?  It has torn a rift in our private relationships, where we no longer enjoy each others company. Its so strained here that emotions grip you tightly each day and tasks become difficult to complete when scheduled. My almost 4 yr old needs stimulation and attention often missing. My grandson now 8 months old and teething is restless and arm-dependant. My daughter is finding motherhood somewhat frustrating at times. We’ve been doing a lot of finishing rather late, making scheduled delivery times later than expected.. This begs the question: are we enough to get to where we want to be? 

I haven’t answered this question yet, I’m unable to as I sway between our capabilities vs time management whilst taking cognisance of the underlying issues which make life a bit strained at the moment. What I do know is that our issues are a grain of sand in comparison to what other children, women, men, families are experiencing… For I myself have changed in this journey, I am no longer as gentle as I used to be, I no longer have patience with the lack of rhythm, my enjoyment is 1000% still but my attitude it is too stern…. 

Do we disobey the rules, should we refrain from change, do we live this facade in a stupor to hide the truth that we negotiate the value we place on integrity, honesty, morals, pleasure, happiness and the truth? 

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Grab your Dreams

Distant

I popped in to get perspective.

A sabbatical is a holiday away from routine, from work right? To rest, gather yourself & start anew? This could last anything between 2 months & a year. 

Now what happens if you do this & your family has to suffer? The very women you insult & oppress, curb, ridicule, cage in? They feed our family. They toil hopelessly in love with their fare, waiting patiently to reach a target. They don’t sleep well, they ache for respite, but none is in sight. They make & bake & sell & stress & smile still hopelessly devoted to their dream….and then you piss on their parade every waking moment, hissing insults, massaging their shoulders, calming them down, taking care of the little ones, demanding satisfaction for your loneliness as you watch movies & relax, shaking the service bell when your thirst needs quenching or your belly needs food. Hurling crass words around like a hoola hoop. And….we toil, we sing, we shake our hips as the vibe on the radio pushes us on, as we measure, as we calculate, as we circumvent a problem that’s suddenly sprung up. Just to watch as your mood shifts up & down when the liquor races through your veins into your brain & derives upon a thought contemplating whether you should spew venom or soft soap your agenda. 

Its awkward when you have to look at yourself in the mirror when something went wrong. Your fault being that you were so afraid of a past experience, that if you had trusted you could’ve saved yourself a whole lot if trouble. Pity I didn’t trust & chose fear! My heart aches today when I realise some people want you to fail! There is a family of venom who etches away at my resolve everyday, I admit I hate them, I pray to God to help me forgive. I find it difficult. I’m a nasty person it seems, I’m sorry I try so hard not to be. I’m not horrible inside, I’m just so pained today. Not for myself but for a client whom I disappointed partly. She had saved hard for her Hubby’s birthday & my weakness to get my debtors to pay their bill, led to me not finishing everything I was supposed to. In the manner we had agreed. I chose to have her pay only a deposit & I would cover the rest so she could trust me. Her family had trust issues, I wanted so hard to prove I’m not a con. But….though I’m not, I failed to deliver on my promise. She is hurt. 

I’m sulking, berating myself for my stupidity, trusting that a client who  owed me money would pay up readily as promised. This happened 16h20 Friday afternoon. An hour before I was due to leave to deliver to my client & her party. I feel some people are willing to order & eat and when they need to pay, they feel contempt in parting with their money. I will no longer be doing any further sales to my neighbours, who I feel have no respect for me or my family business. 

I worked too hard, sacrificed too much, to fail. I can’t fail I won’t fail. I need to properly take care of my business & my clients, who ultimately put food on my table, food very necessary, so I may not be accused of forcing my children to starve… 
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Flavoursome 

<a href=”https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/pungent/”>Pungent</a>Pungent.&nbsp;

I have to relate this to a few DISHES describing people.
It is quite an expression – Pungent.

 It can relate to love as my man would say if he doesn’t need extra salt. Not original I know. It is as spicy as my tempestuous longing to be fulfilled by conversation which makes for endless banter between lovers.

There are barbed, bitter women who are unfulfilled in their vengeance at been the topic of endless gossip by the very circle of “friends” they consider their allies. The money can buy me class and standing in my community so they’ll forget about the vile things I’ve said and done – the barley soup lady, who copies other women for she is insecure.

The caustic or sour I can do everything better than you, have to dress hip, and tint my hair for I am not in balance with the rest of my gender, who are taking risks I cannot dare for I am in desperate need of affirmation that women can have real,  demanding, sensuality that remains untamed.

: Let’s not forget the corrosive or biting nature of the beast who cannot for even a minute understand the foresight of man, the deep compassion and love for the many mistakes which he saw fit to repair and compensate to his heart for whom he felt so dear.

The bland or  flavourless Grilled Vegetables that just needed a bit of thought to enhance their natural flavour ,much like your face which mirrors your heart that is dead for its feeling which is left bereft of true kindness.

 Foul, reeking ills of your past that are visited on your present, unearthing truth you cannot look in the face.

The smarting, stingy pain of a life wasted by contempt and yearning for respect and admiration of the best oven baked potatoes thats taste is missing in your haste for acceptance from stringy mortals who pay you no attention, for you left yourself in the bitterness of unfulfilled dreams that are bold, yet invisible to your minds eye for you seek answers in incorrect places.

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Turnaround

Chaotic

“A chaotic situation isn’t always about the negative.”

 There are two sides to a story. As there are desirous outcomes regardless of the effects of certain occurances

Our minds can operate in certain chaotic situations, without suffering long-term effects.

 Having said that: the mind is a beautiful tool. It can make or break a person’s confidence when it is consistently fed through specific tactics. The tactic can be helpful. The tactic can be detrimental to how the person then perceives certain norms. And how they react to it.

When you live in places like Sudan, Gaza, Syria,  Rwanda, the list goes on….Here there is a constant chaos through war, the effects of war, the perpetrators of war, the victims of war, then the consequences of war like poverty, disease, rape, trauma, displacement. There are then multiple implications of this chaotic situation which will have some lasting effects on the lives of its people.

 Many of us watch news broadcasts and either feel moved by the situation in a way which then compels us to feel compassion or sympathy. Hidden between the lines are those who see the exact opposite and feel compelled to want oppression, want the sadistic suffering to continue as it is a necessary evil to ensure the cementing of power, wealth and standing.

 In the middle of all of this are those who get up and help. Rich or poor it doesn’t matter, there are those who  buckle up their boots, knuckle down, get their hands dirty in order for some of these effects to be short-lived, stopped, eradicated, so earth may be viable to humans, animals, insects, agriculture, manufacturing, industry, education,therefore  sustaining life and it’s desire to be protected, cultivated and nourished and spared.

The chaotic environment can be found in kitchens, bedrooms, hospitals, churches,  schools, nursing homes, university’s, in the mind, the body or the soul. It can have investors,  who plant positive, philanthropic, selfless or honourable principles or bring prejudiced, greedy or mercenary agenda’s. These will determine the reaction and the outcomes.

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