I wish I was a little bit stronger! I wish I was taller! – not original yeah, lyrics to some song I forget the title!
I do wish I was a super star, the nightlight that reflects upon the sky, neighbouring the big bright moon! Yes, I want to hang with big guns, I am no Chef, I am no Baker!
Will this stop me from trying to be the best as I can be? Never! I have this relentless drive, though hindered by fatigue, that drives me, myself & I completely batty. My folks & children too. They tire themselves helping me live a dream I have yet to awaken from.
My folks both God willing close to 66 years & my kids 4 to 24 yrs have always walked my path with me, not forgetting my siblings, only our Lord knows what they see in me- a sister, a leader, a force to be reckoned with, absolutely a force of nature! A soft inner, a strong will, coated in a resilient tensile steel garment of love, very powerful against all or any outside forces, not a lapdog kind of love but a seriously driven hardcore energy that ignites my partner’s chagrin, my children’s admiration & many unceasing prayers from my folks & siblings- these human beings know me completely, though wish I would find what I’m searching for….
I’m not perfect, oh I sometimes mess up a recipe don’t ask me why! I know what works, I know what I want to achieve, what palatable morsel will make for a satisfied client, what time frame I need, do I tweak here and there? Yes, often I admit, and it pays off, all except once when I need it to be perfect! Then the walls come crushing down and I ask myself : Jennifer how did you possibly mess this up, it’s ridiculous, not possible!!! I talk here about silly mistakes or even trusting enough to sacrifice so much too much.
Well it happens, it irks me but it happens…
Now I have a question?
When you make a mistake, how long and to what degree must you be held hostage to this mistake, surely it is miniscule in comparison to say – abuse, theft, immorality, murder, disrespect, indifference, destructive behavior.
Will the intensity of these deliberate actions disappear in the face of my personal dilemmas?
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