Invisible Line

Branch

There is more to what you cannot see. We often get told this. Branches could be attached physically, emotionally, subconsciously, through DNA, thoughts, common ground, similar interests, etc.

Well I’ve reached a point where I know I can picture beyond all this,  but getting to trust that there is a beyond is an issue. You may seem confused now, but these branches reach out from a solid base that started somewhere. 

When different people live or work together, often what drew them together ends up pulling them apart. Look I’m at a crossroad, many things have happened, many feelings have surfaced, new info has come to light, so my branch network has left me deflated, determined, exhausted, etc. 

I write, I feel, I think, and yet I see nothing, I have tried, really its frustrating, to encourage, to teach, to instill but…it has made no impact. 6 years has had no effect, on this family. Living in an abyss, that is how we roll. We know right from wrong and yet our choices are still lacking in morality & even integrity. My 4 year old is one of the most disobedient, rude, sometimes intolerable pestilence around. I love him,y Elijah but our branch, our connection is cracked or fractured. I thank my love, the dad for this. He is the most promising person I know, really he promises consistently to make amends, to improve his manners, to act responsibly and its tiresome & irritating as its the most untrustworthy piece of BS. I laugh when I think about this world we walk around in, its so drunk & unbelievable at times. 

I got used to him working away but I now detest that he’s going to be home weekends, I wish he were the same man of years ago who would only arrive home in time to eat, sleep, and get up for work the next day! Am I a mad woman? I love this man & I have found myself wishing he was somewhere else. You know its easy to chat on the phone every evening catching up, its calm, its smooth, we can talk freely & seem as if we’re reaching a compromise and then boom! the weekend comes & I fall to pieces because the truth becomes a lie. I want recognition, he wants pampering, how? is he the only damn person who worked the entire week, who needs attention? 

I feel whether its business, personal, family, friendship or such there isn’t a different scale of values, it should be equal. The way you run your business, should be a reflection of your inner self, your spirit. 

So how have I become a Jekyll & Hyde? I’m soothing, responsible, loving, disciplined, I have vision, I’m an encouraging person, I’m dependable and then….. I curse, vent, shout, lie, pretend, hate. And then I feel again- warm, motivated, excited…. 

About a branch that isn’t even rooted to anything I can see…I can’t see trust, loyalty, values, morals- they are invisible lines that connect like branches to a thought, a vision, a culture. This doesn’t exist where I live. 

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