The last time I penned my thoughts, it was 3 months ago. It was a dark time. Home life had a huge impact on my business. Did I say it was a dark time?
I’ve been watching a number of family movies of late. They have all the answers, all the scenarios with they’re many solutions. At least it seems so. Well I have been wrong many times in my life and when my folks questioned and answered my insanity this past week, I got the answers I sought. My business didn’t fail, it isn’t failing, it is thriving. Despite my anger, my worry, my blessed Joshua, my first born, whom I love so deeply, who is a reflection of my heart, though its frustrated and pained, has been by my side urging me on, baking many batches of beautiful love, soaking up the hardness & indifference surrounding my fragile ego and giving me an embrace of forgiveness and love I trust so implicitly, more than myself, that all the time I wasted concentrating on the negative of the past 3 months, cannot replace the pride I have in having the best family in the world. My parents Amos & Carol Ann van Schoor, who still baby me, their first born, I need it, don’t ask me why at age 45 , but I still need my parents, I dread a future without them. My boys Joshua & Adrian, my heart & soul. My daughter Jade, who has suffered most of my pain, because I want her to never experience a future of hardship, I hope I have not ruined her sense of self, her warmth, I hope I have not ruined our future as mother and daughter. My youngest Xavier & Elijah. I don’t think God meant for us to live separately, I still have an opportunity to have an impact on their lives, I pray I have lots of time to experience their journey. Finally my grandson Zachary, it will always be etched in my memory, watching his birth, watching him grow since now almost a year later, he reminds me always of Josh, his spirit is the same, makes my heart ache with love so sweetly, I need to allow his Mom Jade to find her own place in the mothers hall of fame, gently coaxing, not criticising as we all endeavour with love, hope, faith, grit, strength and a fresh start to 2018.
God bless you and your families and may you have many precious memories in 2018.
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